“One thing I will NEVER do when I get a boyfriend is lose my independence.”
*TWO MONTHS LATER*
“You guys are gonna have so much fun at the concert tonight, wish I was coming too…but Jason said he didn’t want to go. I think we’re just gonna grab food instead.”
Let’s face it ladies, we’ve either done it ourselves or heard one of our close friends say something very similar to that statement. Mind you, the circumstances were most likely different.
What may you call this?
Simple. The loss of independence. The loss of independence strictly resulting from being in a relationship.
The concept of dating and what it entails differs from person to person. Although one thing that doesn’t differ is that the majority, fears losing independence when getting into a relationship.
Don’t get me wrong. a relationship should consist of two people who love each other and work together as a team. Why a team instead of a unit?
A team encompasses more than one person Meaning, independence and maintaining your identity while being and working together.
A unit consists of one individual considered as complete. This encourages the loss of independence and identity.
So how exactly do we all avoid this very real fear of losing our independence while dating someone?
- Do things together, but don’t do EVERYTHING together. It’s totally normal to want to do the fun and exciting things with your boyfriend, but everything you do shouldn’t be done together. Be able to go to the coffee shop by yourself, run errands alone, go to the new movie with your girlfriends. Have a girls night!
- Keep your own group of friends. Obviously I want my boyfriend to get along with my groups of friends, and vice versa, just as much as the next girl, but I also believe it’s important to keep your groups of friends separate. That doesn’t mean not hanging out with them ever, it means being able to have your own group of close friends, while he has his.
- Miss each other. You know that saying absence makes the heart grow fonder? THIS IS TRUE! I try my very best to live be the saying “wherever you are, be all there.” So, if you’re out with your friends, or spending time with your family, be there. Don’t be on your phone constantly checking for their reply or phone call.
- Be busy a part from each other. If you don’t keep yourself busy aside from when you’re with them, you become susceptible to falling into the habit of not being able to do anything without them.
- Do NOT EVER compromise who you are. Know your standards, know your sense of self worth, and don’t compromise your beliefs for another person. If you do this, not only will you lose your independence, but you’ll soon lose your moral compass.
- Learn to disagree with each other sometimes. Understand that your boyfriend may not love the new Taylor Swift song as much as you do, and that’s okay. Seriously, you guys aren’t going to agree on EVERYTHING, and that’s normal. If you agree on everything, that means you may as well have one brain.
- Keep what’s YOURS. If you love to read, keep reading. If you thrive in your kickboxing class, keep going. Do this the same way you did it before he came along. This will help you prevent losing your sense of identity.
- Set goals together AND a part. Every couple should set goals, but it’s also important to set individual goals for yourself. Maybe you want to work on gossiping less, or eating healthier, and he wants to work on working out more. Keep your individual goals, but encourage one another.
So no, dating doesn’t mean losing your independence. Comment down below any other ideas you have on ways to keep your independence!