“Babe, I’m gonna get over this, I just need some space.”
As girls, we’ve all heard something along those lines when fighting with our boyfriends. And the issue is, as humans, each and every one of us handles things differently, so it’s natural to have a difficult time grasping the concept of giving someone space while in a fight.
For the most part, when giving your boyfriend space, someone often loses out, and it’s typically the person who is giving the space–not the person receiving.
Is Space a Bad Thing?
Yes, and no. As contradictory as that may sound, it is entirely true.
On the one hand, space works negatively because it does hurt both you and your boyfriend, it can be a massive snowball of confusion. The person giving the space can feel very left in the dark and end up overthinking things.
But on the other hand, space can be a very useful way of handling a situation. ONLY if a few things have been sorted out first. These include:
- Ensuring both parties have explained themselves
- With that, both parties understand the other’s point of view
- Neither you, nor your boyfriend are overly emotional about the situation
- It’s clear why space is needed (i.e. to cool off, to decide if you are both on the same page, to further think things through, etc.)
Why is Space Good?
- It allows your significant other to cool off–this in turn helps avoid saying or doing anything impulsive
- It offers a clear way to work through thoughts for both individuals (is this fight something we can look past, are our convictions too different and this is why we’re fighting, etc.)
Now that we’ve established that giving your significant other space, can truly be beneficial to your relationship, it doesn’t mean that it isn’t difficult to do. These are seven ways to help you cope with giving space:
- Keep busy— rather it be work, cleaning, getting schoolwork done, looking into vacations, or working out–just do something that’ll keep you busy!
- Be productive— it’s super easy to want to mope around when you’re unable to talk to the person you’re anxious to fix things with, but moping will only make you feel worse. Get things done efficiently so you can move on to another task. This will make you feel accomplished and result in lifting your mood!
- Write out your feelings— this one isn’t for everyone, but I can guarantee it will help everyone on some sort of level. If you still have built up feelings about the situation that you can’t convey because you’re giving him space, write them done. You will either notice you’ve suddenly worked through it on your own, or it will help you convey it clearly to him later on.
- Talk/vent to a friend who has your best interest at heart— this is a tricky one. We’d all love to think that every one of our friends has our best interest at heart, but that’s just not the truth. Find that one friend who you’re comfortable speaking to, and talk to him or her about what’s going on.
- Stay away from your phone— this is probably the most difficult factor. It’s instinct to want to keep checking your phone to see if that silence has finally been broken, but in reality all this leads to is a let down and further frustration. If you have a hard time staying away from your phone put your boyfriend on “Do Not Disturb,” (if you have that option). It’ll prevent you from being let down with no message.
- Do something that makes you instantly happy— this varies person to person. For some this may mean having a dance party while getting ready, or going for a drive with the window rolled down listening to your favourite album. Whatever it may be, DO IT!
- Watch your favourite episode of your favourite show— this is self explanatory, it’s an instant mood booster.
If every time you have to give your significant other space you find yourself wallowing, try out some of those tips and let me know how they work! Or if you have any others, comment them down below.