I think we’ve all experienced or at least witnessed a couple that fights OUTRAGEOUSLY. Things go flying, names get called, and people start crying.
I’ve witnessed the infamous wall-punch, the never ending stream of “you’re a piece of sh*t,”and the sad but commonly witnessed screaming, ugly blubbering and yanking on each other’s limbs (typically the arms). These are all scenes I can never forget, and I always remember promising myself to never be that couple. Rather we admit it to ourselves or not, we all want raw romance, and this type of fighting goes waaay past raw and straight to rugged.
Now, most of the time the fights get unhealthy because, let’s face it, you think you’re right and he’s wrong, and vice versa. You’ll call him insensitive, he’ll call you unreasonable or crazy, and suddenly the cycle begins. Eventually you’ll apologize for everything that’s been said. Don’t worry, even Ally and Noah from The Notebook do it. But, this can be fixed!
What is Healthy Fighting?
- It doesn’t feel like a fight but instead a disagreement
- You know that despite the issue things won’t result in a break up
- Nasty names aren’t said (or yelled), things are NOT thrown, and tears are at a minimal (or preferably non-existent)
- You and your significant other aren’t fighting over the same things time and time again
- Neither of you bring up past disagreements to defend yourself
What’s one thing each element has in common? Respect. Healthy fighting comes down to maintaining respect for one another.
The Hall Health Centre of the University of Washington has a very helpful and clear article on ways to a healthy relationship. The article draws up a fantastic list of what it is that a healthy relationship looks like.
In order to further help you guys out, I picked out the 4 elements I found most important. They include,
- mutual respect,
- good communication and
How to have Healthy Fights
Alright ladies, so now that you know your fighting habits with your partner are unhealthy, what can you do about it? I’ve drawn up steps to help a girl out.
Know how to approach your partner:
This one’s important. If you know your partner is short-fused, don’t just rip off the band-aid. Ease him into whatever it is you want to discuss. If he has a temper, then be delicate with your wording, this can take a while to do but I promise it will be so worth it. Usually a good way of starting off is by saying, “I understand where you’re coming from so I’d like to explain my point of view…” It’ll make him feel like you’re not set out for blood. He’ll see the effort you’re making to see eye to eye.
Listen to what the other has to say:
The avoidance of this step can be the beginning of unhealthy fighting. If you don’t hear each other out while remaining calm and level headed, THINGS WILL GO WRONG HERE. If you don’t agree with what he’s saying or feeling, that’s fine, and even sometimes expected but you should always let him finish. Do not cut him off to start disputing! Cutting each other off will more often than not lead to a shift in the argument. You’ll start off arguing about one thing, then suddenly you’re arguing about not hearing each other out, and then before you know it, you’re fighting about everything and anything that’s ever gone wrong between you two.
Make sure not to pull a Kanye
DO NOT Lose Respect for your partner:
This one is my all time most important piece of advice. Once you start pulling the name calling card out, you never go back. You can never take back calling your partner an asshole, a b*tch or whatever else you can pull from up your sleeve. This is the do all end all to healthy fighting. You don’t need to lose respect and name call to solve a fight, this will ALWAYS escalate the situation. I’ve had people very close to me in a relationship where all respect was lost. They fought daily, and the biggest issue was the name calling and disrespect. Everyone knows the famous saying, “words can only be forgiven, not forgotten.” This reigns very true here.
Learn how to Compromise:
The solution to the problem isn’t getting it YOUR way or HIS way. It’s getting to a place where you’re both comfortable with the outcome. Go about different options, ask him what he thinks is fair and then propose what you think is fair. Then find a happy median. This is NOT an easy step. I REPEAT: THIS IS NOT AN EASY STEP! But it is THE step to practicing healthy fighting.
With the guidance of these four steps you’ll find you and your partner fighting in a MUCH healthier fashion! I’m sure he’ll notice a drastic change on how you deal with your disagreements, and I can promise you it won’t go unnoticed. Healthy fighting is one of the many ways in achieving raw romance.
Let me know how it helped and what step was your easiest or most difficult! Or if you have any others, I’d love to hear ’em, so leave them in the comments down below.