At least one to two times a week I get the same phone call from a good friend named Avery. It typically goes something like this:
“Raquel, he did it again.I’m not talking to him.”
I don’t even need to ask why she’s angry anymore, what her boyfriend did, or how they got to the point of not talking. It’s simple, it was the commonly heard of double tap.
What is the Double Tap?
So before we get into the meat of this issue, let’s clarify. The inevitable double-tap is commonly known as a like on Instagram. I know plenty of girls who get into fight after fight with their boyfriend when they notice he likes another girls selfie on Instagram.
- Double-tap is the lovely and most simple action of a mans nimble finger double tapping that one picture of the gorgeous girl posing on the beach.
That ladies, is the icon of the (often dreaded) Instagram double tap.
The Double-Tap & the Anger
Personally, I can’t say I’ve been mad about my boyfriend liking a photo of another girl. It’s not something that bothers me, but I know it’s something that bothers a lot of females, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Based off of numerous conversations with friends, and research I can definitely sympathize with this. So let’s decipher why the double tap makes so many girls upset.
Why the Double-Tap Angers the girlfriend?
- She’s scared she doesn’t have what the girl in that picture has
- She feels like you’ve disrespected her
- She’s over thinking and jealous
- She starts comparing herself
What happens with this Anger?
The Cold Shoulder: Chances are ladies, you’ll act really dry towards your boyfriend, or ignore him all together. Avery gives her boyfriend the cold shoulder mixed in with snarky comments for maybe about, 30 minutes or so.
The Freak Out: You’ll yell, send an angry text, accuse and overall freak out at him for liking that (most likely) insignificant girls photo. Avery doesn’t yell, instead she sends a very well phrased text message…which she uses to assume and accuse.
The Emotional Break Down: Once you gets all your anger out you’ll have you emotional breakdown. You’ll say that you’re sorry for freaking out but it makes you insecure and it “hurts your feelings” when you see he’s double-tapped. Avery always tells her boyfriend that when she sees the girls pictures’ he’s liking, it makes her feel small, and unattractive to him. She’s missing some of the elements the other girl has. Rather it be the thin yet curvy figure, or the exotic looking eyes, something is missing in your eyes.
Resurfacing of the Anger: You’ll get angry all over again because you feel like he doesn’t understand why you’re so upset. Hell, you even have a hard time understanding why this makes you so angry. At the end of the day you know his feelings for you aren’t faltering because of this photo. With this resurfacing anger, the apology comes. Avery will get mad all over again simply because he can’t grasp why she’s so enraged. The thing is, she has difficulty explaining it, because she can’t identify where this anger is coming from.
So let’s go back to the root of this problem. Social media-> double tap-> anger. The cause of this anger is social media. But why? What did Instagram after do to you? I love using Instagram to look at funny animal memes, cute home decor ideas, and other light and easy stuff. What it really comes down to is self-esteem and the effect social media has on it.
Suzanne Lachman, the writer of Psychology Today’s article, 10 Sources of Low Self Esteem, explains how social media inherently effects our self esteem.
It’s no secret that people in media are packaged and airbrushed into unrealistic levels of beauty and thinness. It’s an epidemic that’s only getting worse and worse. Now, males and females alike feel they can’t measure up to what’s out there. Maybe the seeds of low self-esteem are sown elsewhere, but now society and the media make imperfections so immediately accessible, there is no relief from feelings of inadequacy. As media access is available younger and younger, kids are subjected to these unfair comparisons earlier and earlier.
Suzanne explicitly explains what many of you girls are feeling when you see your boyfriend like another girls picture. You feel this overwhelming need to compare yourself. Opposed to looking at it as simply an image, you look at it as all the things that you lack and he wants.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the famous quote “you have to love yourself before anyone else can.” And it’s so true. If you aren’t fully comfortable in your own skin, you’re always going to find things that will make you insecure, in turn making yourself believe that others view you how you critically view yourself.
Should you be Angry at the Double-Tap
No, absolutely not. (This reigns differently for some circumstances. If you’d like to hear them comment below and I’ll make a post about it).
We’re all human, we have eyes, and it’s unreasonable to think that your boyfriend isn’t going to find other people attractive. With that being said, him finding another girl pretty, doesn’t mean he’s de-valuing everything you have to offer, and that he loves you less. At the end of the day he is with you for so much more than a physical attraction. Love yourself, and then you can attain raw romance.
Don’t let your insecurities and social media ruin something good.
What do you think, can we blame social media for our relationship problems, or our insecurities for them?